Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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