no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
