is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
