New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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