i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
