Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
