Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
