We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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