you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
