Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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