Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
