Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He did a backflip because drugs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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