I hate all girls vehemently.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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