In the future we'll all be gay
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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