somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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