8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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