So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
