Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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