I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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