So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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