Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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