oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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