Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
