i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.