so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.