So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
