Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
