I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
