it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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