if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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