Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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