I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
