I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
