Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
