for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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