if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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