I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
