Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
