in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
