Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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