Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
