tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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