my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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