I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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