absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
