Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
