I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
