I'm going to jail i love you
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
try to milk me bitch
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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