I think I died a long time ago.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize