Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
