I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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