90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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