I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
