If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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