ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
