Fine. I'll sleep in my office
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
