its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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