I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
