Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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