I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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