i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
