So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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