They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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